


im like a song, you know

by onewaytrigger



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: And disgusting, F/F, Not Beta Read, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Trigger Warning!!!, adora is oblivious like always, and painful, angsty as fuck, but in a different way :), but it kinda stuck with me so, catra is old old, i found this writing prompt on reddit lmao, is endless, like 200000, the loop - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-28
Updated: 2019-11-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:07:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21588130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onewaytrigger/pseuds/onewaytrigger
Summary: always play it on repeatCatra is stuck in an endless loop.
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Implied Adora/Catra, Implied catradora - Relationship
Comments: 9
Kudos: 41





	1. why u gotta mean so much?

**Author's Note:**

> ok so this was originally a lot longer but it was so gross so i just wrote it again
> 
> i listened to Alone by sadboyprolific on repeat while writing this so
> 
> if yall wanna see more of this universe I am so down for writing more angst
> 
> tw// suicide!!! if you want to stop reading, stop reading.

Luck.

It’s always been a foreign concept to me. I don’t get lucky. 

In fact, I’m probably the most unlucky person you’ll ever know, burdened with knowledge of what will happen in the future but being powerless to change anything.

You see, back before everything went to shit and my life fell apart, I wished to a shooting star that I could just go back to being a newborn and start all over.

It didn’t work, obviously.

But it did. And that’s the worst part. The stupid fucking wish waited until I was at my lowest to knock me down even further.

My first Repeat was pretty bland. I was depressed, confused, and ashamed. I had been put in multiple advanced classes in the 2nd grade without even feeling like I achieved it.

I just doodled and did calculus? What’s so strange about that?

Oh.

Wait.

When I turned 27, I fell asleep and woke up as a baby once again.

What the fuck?

Oh.

Wait.

The Loop is an inescapable torture. And it never, ever stops.

I’m treated like a legend. I have total control over the whole world. It’s wrapped up in my grubby little 15 year old hands.

But I still feel empty.

Everyone I meet is new. I know that my friends from before the Loop exist in all these different universes, because I reconnected with one. They left me immediately. They had no clue who I was and I guess it was right of them to just drop me. 

Her name was Adora. My first love, first kiss, the first person I came out to in general.

She was the only light in my life before the Loop.

And now she doesn’t care for me.

Not in the slightest.

Take that as you will. 

I won’t leave you with some cheesy moral or stupid lesson.

But I can truly tell you that if I had just toughed through it instead of wishing on that dumb star?

I wouldn’t be so miserable.

* * *

Repeat #7632

Year 23 - 4 years left

I’ve been thinking, you know.

What would it be like to kill myself?

Would it end this torture finally? Will I be free?  
  


One way to find out, I guess.

I stare down at the vast expanse of ocean beneath me, so far down it’s difficult to see the waves. I can feel millions of thoughts racing through my pounding head. I can faintly hear the ocean lapping at the cliff’s bottom. 

But all in all, I feel peace.

It’s a win win situation. I fucked up on this repeat, ruining my chance to be at the top of the world because I made a typo in the 7th grade. If I just go back to being a newborn, then I now know that dying is an easy way to restart. If I’m finally out of the Loop, then… well, I don’t even know how I’d react to that.

If I do get out of the Loop, I won’t remember anything. That’s how the Loop works. You go back to being a baby retaining all the knowledge you previously acquired. 

What if there is no escape from the Loop?

What if, everyone here is also in the Loop, but I’m the only one who retains my knowledge?

Well.

I guess there’s no scientific way to prove it.

I glance back down, shuffling forward slightly. I hadn’t even noticed I’d been absentmindedly stepping away from the cliff.

A deep breath.

A gulp.

A sigh.

A jump.

* * *

Repeat #7633

Year 0 - 27 years left

Fuck.

It didn’t work.

I should’ve known, honestly.

There’s no way out of here. I just keep getting reverted back to this stupid _fucking_ baby that can’t move, can’t talk, or else I’ll give myself away. I made that mistake once.

This Repeat, out of spite, I’ll cause as much chaos as possible.

But first I gotta wait a few years.

When you’ve been alive for… over 200,000 years? Stuck in an endless Loop?

The years just blur together. They don’t even matter, individually.

It’s how the whole repeat goes that matters.

I often wonder if there’s someone else stuck in the Loop that also retains knowledge.

I’ve come to accept the fact that I’m probably not the only one here.

It’s obviously not Adora, that much is clear.

_Adora._

That fucking bitch.


	2. tie me to the train tracks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra questions her existence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little ooc. But who cares?
> 
> not my best chapter.... i apologize. slight writer's block.
> 
> next chapter?
> 
> OOH BOY ITS GONNA Be soMETHING I CANT HWEYEUIGRFUIEG IM SO EXCITED FOR YALL TO READ IT >:))))

Repeat #7633

Year 10 - 17 years left

If there's one thing that I've learned this Repeat, it's that chaos is far too easy to cause.

I've already accidentally killed someone.

But they're temporary.

So it doesn't matter.

Going into 5th grade as an orphan because I have no real parents in the Loop (never have, in fact) is hard. But easy all the same.

I've learned to stop caring for people in any Repeats. When I turn 18 I'm totally gonna get a gun and shoot everyone.

But, there is years between me and that.

And there's another obstacle.

My teacher is Sharon Weaver, or Shadow Weaver as I've learned to call that hag. 

She is the only constant in the Loop I've ever seen.

She is ALWAYS there. Whether it be the president of my GSA (Repeat #676), the secretary at my newest temporary job (Repeat #5267), or even the damn VICE PRESIDENT (Repeat #6412) she is in EVERY Repeat.

Except one!

Repeat #473.

The Repeat I look back on the most.

The Repeat I dubbed the "Adora Repeat."

Can you tell why yet?

* * *

Repeat #7633

Year 12 - 15 years left

Today, I did a remarkable thing.

Probably the best thing in this Loop's century (100 Repeats)

I met Adora again.

And I saw something in her eyes when she looked at me.

Recognition.

I'm onto her.

* * *

  
Repeat #7633

Year 18 - 9 years left

I have learned every game, every skill, played every sport, even the most obscure ones, I have masterful hand-eye coordination, and I have majored in every subject. I basically know everything the second I come out of the womb, and it gets so lonely.

I can graduate high school at 10 years old. I can finish any major in 10 months. I've recieved multiple awards, world records, and am deemed a prodigy. It's so lonely. 

I'm a genius the moment the sperm hits the egg. I can take full control over the world. The politics are all the same, so I've mastered that too. It's so lonely.

I'm the president of the United States at 18 years old. I'm worshipped by so many people. I know more than any other person.

So that's why it's so lonely.

I have friends. Lots of them, in fact.

They all want to be my friend.

And for what, fame? Do they want to be worshipped?

And then when I snap, and get mad for 5 seconds, they're 6 feet underground.

They all absently listen. There's no light in their eyes anymore.

I'm stuck living the same life over and over again, with new people. 

I've met so many people, I'm surrounded by them, but the darkness is swamping me.

I can't get out.

I'm questioning if Adora is like me.

But Adora was better than me at everything!  
  
  


Why wouldn't she take advantage?

_**She's not like me. I'm alone.** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry its so short! school starts again soon so i have to get this out as quick as i can!

**Author's Note:**

> this might sound dark, but i really hope my suicide writing was accurate enough. id hate to offend anybody!!!
> 
> ty for reading! please leave a comment! id love to know your thoughts.
> 
> p.s. if i do continue this, itll be a big surprise for everybody in two different ways.


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